Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
