Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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