I don't usually arrange sex via text message
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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