omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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