Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
