I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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