I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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