If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
