drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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