I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I have already put on my inside pants.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
