i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize