the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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