You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
