Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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