I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
