if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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