So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
