so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
