She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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