We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
