god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Randomize
