My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
