u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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