I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
