how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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