That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
