Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
