dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
