Redeem this text for a blowjob
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
And then my night got REAL pukey
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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