So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
