Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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