I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
