Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
