that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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