the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
