Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
