I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
