the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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