Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
