For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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