the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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