I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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