Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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