If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
