Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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