eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
