I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
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