I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Sponge bath it is.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
