Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
