She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
