What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
