There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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