is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
