guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
