this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
