You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
