So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
