I wish I could teleport
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
