I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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