you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I looked at my own cervix.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
