Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
