Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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