I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
