I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
