i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
