even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize