6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
