You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
